hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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