I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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