I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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