we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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