Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
