I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
