My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
