So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
