Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
