Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
