Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize