he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
