yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have demons in me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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