Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
