let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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