I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
