the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize