Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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