chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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