Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
