dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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