A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
