onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
