I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
