i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
