Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
