I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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