I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
