Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
