we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
