ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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