she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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