if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize