The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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