I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
