one might say we're banned from that church
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
