peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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