Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
