new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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