Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
