you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
