I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize