Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
