I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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