I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
