Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
