We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i already hear my dad disowning me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
