I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
