Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize