4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Im part way to drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
