and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my poor anus
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
