I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
