my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize