6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the day after is always just damage control
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
