UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
