PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
