don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
