I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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