remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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