sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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