Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
