I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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