Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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