I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
