Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
