I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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