I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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