Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
